gods' plan and memories....

well this week has been a weird one...i imagined my life in a different light. what if? how is that going to effect me? will i be happy? well i will not be able to answer those questions for now...as for the course of my life has changed. i can say that i have made some conclusion: your life is not your own... it belongs to god he has a plan for you, whether you like it or not; the decisions he makes for you are His.

Some people are here in our lives for a reason. i have a friend who makes me think. this person has lived the life they thought was right.Then bam! god came down with a change. huh. God just made a decision for this person. and this person seems to be alright with it. I'm still not sure how someone could be okay with a new life after living the one they thought was right for so long. misery doesn't love company in this persons life. this person is getting divorced. and living life happier now, or so it seems.

sometimes i think about my past and how carefree it really was, when i was little. i mean don't get me wrong we had issues to deal with, but nothing like the issues you have when you wear so many hats: mother, wife, daughter...yadda yadda.

If i were to go back for just one day what day would that be? our trips that we took to see a bushel of useless historical sites, our trips to our parents friends' island( where we saw a real life sloth?)oh i know Disneyland/Disneyworld? NO i think my favorite moment in my past would be the times when our family was the happiest... i can see it let me close my eyes to see it better:

.....I'm laying in my room (i say "my" loosely because i shared the room with my older sister), the room is dark, except i know that it is morning, cause a hint of the bright,cheery sun is peeking thru the curtains, that are trying to ward off the mornings events.
i slowly get my senses back from my nightly coma ...ah yes...trumpets, saxophones, and beautiful Spanish voices are coming to me....MERINGUE! music from my parents home land (Dominican republic), this music wakes me enough to get out of bed. I know its Sunday and my parents always make breakfast for us...scrambled eggs, cream of wheat with raisins and fresh cinnamon sticks, and MANGU. (plantains that have been boiled and mashed with onions) and fried white cheese.

My sister is less aware...she is still in a deep sleep, but not for long as i am going to wake her up... she hates this! we need to clean our room today that is what my parents plan for us is today...clean, clean, and more cleaning. after ruthlessly waking up my sister, i run out to smell the wonderful food, and see the most beautiful thing:

my parents dancing, and looking lovingly into each others eyes...this, this is the moment that i would choose to return to. not the Disney times, not the island time, not the beach trips...not any other time. that moment when you realize your parents love each other. that look that you can only hope for someday.....no Christmas day, no awesome gifts, nothing....my parents at that moment in time loved each other like crazy...that moment they looked into each others eyes and remembered their youth, and the journey they have taken together...
.......ugh isn't that great?

God, he is a mystery that our little minds will not ever on this earth understand how truthfully glorious he is.

Til next time my anxious readers, til next time....