So I found myself in a dilemma I joined up with a company that sells intimate products thru the miracles of Parties. I have been with this company for 2 months and have not held a party. But I was informed that in order to become active I needed to hold a party with in the sixty days of my sign up. When I signed up I wasn't even sure why I wanted to do that. But that brings me to today. My Friday. My wonderful peaceful Friday. Well usually. But I actually booked a party tonight. I am SO scared and I don't even know why. The hostess would like to have a penis cake. Yes a penis cake. Now I have baked my fair share of cakes, but a penis cake? I was intrigued, after all baking is my passion. So with that in mind, I accepted the challenge. So the following steps are for you brave souls who wish to bake your very own Penis cake. Enjoy.
Step 1: Find a friend who will accompany you to your friendly local porn store. These stores are somewhat creepy. At least the one I went to was creepy. Enter the establishment with your guard up and a serious face, as their will be people from your community there. The unwritten rule is "I didn't see you, and you didn't see me" then it will forever be awkward to be emotionally tide to your local what have you...postman, walmart cashier...whomever it will be that you "bumped" into. Then proceed to get reamed up the ass for a cheesy aluminum penis cake pan.(you could use lube its in next to the enormous 18" black plastic cock.)
Step 2:Bring home the little treasure that you over paid for. Since they generously came packaged in two, I will make a "white" one and a "black" one.
Grocery List:
Classic white box cake (bake as directed in floured pan)
Triple chocolate box cake (bake as directed in floured pan)
chocolate sprinkles ( pubic hair)
1-large can of chocolate frosting
1-large can of classic white frosting
small frosting tip
frosting bag
white marshmallow frosting bag or (white frosting)
cake boards or cardboard bottom box foiled to hold cakes X2
tape used for holding foil on the card board
wide foil
frosting spatula
Ziploc bag
and the hard to find ivory food coloring, which I will save you some time hunting for it and tell you where I found it: Micheals..$1.99
....about 4 hours, and patience.Oh yea and space in the fridge for the cakes to quickly cool.
Step 3: take the cardboard and foil it, tape the bottom to the cardboard
Step 4: While the cake are cooling(in the fridge). Sit down and wonder why you took on this project, and try to refocus on the bigger picture. You want to see if you could make a penis cake?! Remember? Deep breath. Invert the cakes onto your freshly foiled cardboard. Now frost the penis cakes according to the color you desire.After putting the frosting on the penis. You want to put some frosting in a Ziploc bag with the tip first. This will help you add details to the shaft of the penis(squiggly lines, on the shaft only) Then take the chocolate sprinkles and sprinkle the balls with them. The more sprinkles you have on the balls the less "shaven" you penis will look.
Step 5: You are done!!! you have successfully made a penis cake. Now take pictures of the cake and show off to your less offended friends....
Hope that this post has helped you lost souls trying to make a wonderful cake for that naughty occasion. If you read this post PLEASE leave a comment. Thank you.
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