just plain irritated....

hello,

this blog is addressed to those who have no idea who i am and what i am about:

First:
I am not into material things!
i do not need to have "stuff". this statement means that i am NOT nor will i ever be a
"gold digger" nor do i "play" people. people do what they want for others to make themselves feel better. to enjoy the other persons enjoyment. i have never been comfortable receiving gifts from anyone. i like getting gifts on my birthday, Christmas and my anniversary...but out of the ordinary gifts are not necessary, but on occasion people get you stuff, you try to be polite and tell them that you really don't need it, or say no, its okay you don't need to get me that...i don't need it...but this person insists on getting it for you. what do you do then? well you piss them off or just buckle and receive the nice gesture. well i did that this last month, and as much i shouldn't have taken the gifts i did...and now I'm getting burnt for that. I'm sorry i will never do that again.

Second:
i love the person i am with. he is great. even if you may not think he is great for me. This is my life and i am choosing to live it the way i want. you may think I'm stubborn, stupid or whatever...but its MY life. I'm sorry that you may not agree on its path, but everyone learns from their own life lessons. all i want is to live a uncomplicated life. i want friends, family, and a career. i want to earn my keep and work for whats mine.

Third:
I am very complex person. my feelings change everyday. i don't like to make promises, nor do i like to expect promises from others, they always get broken. life isn't about how can you keep a promise....its how you do. my husband always says that talk is cheap. i never really understood that until recently.
i know there are three constants though: my love for my husband, and my love for my son and family. other than that i am human. i am trying to find my niche in this crazy place called earth. i know that sounds stupid but i really believe that.
i guess i want to say is that most people keep what they are truly feeling, all bottled up. i like to let the other person know what I'm feeling that very moment, let them know what i am thinking.

Last but not least:
i don't like to be smothered. i don't like being someones everything...that is a lot of responsibility. i already have that spot filled, my son is my everything, and I'm his everything. i don't need any more applicants. I'm sorry if that is harsh but i don't. i am content in my world. and that is more than i could ask for. i am not greedy. i am content. believe me.

Oh ya if you love someone even if they make your life suck you should be with them, cause maybe that is what god has in plan for you.(sorry you non-god lovers. no judgement here) But if you decided to not be with this person then, get up off the floor dust yourself off, embrace your closest buddy..put your best foot forward and don't look back. move forward and be confident in your decision. move on.. start over, take charge and find someone who is available, emotionally, physically, and mentally, legally. This person naturally has to be somewhat better than the last. this process will not be easy and may take awhile, but get it together and look toward the future. you can not truly love someone else unless you love yourself. that statement sounds like a crock of shit, but its true.

i am not ashamed to say that i don't know everything, i am still learning about this life that I'm living, but I'm living it.

I'm sorry if i hurt any of you readers feelings. but I'm sure most of you guys feel the same.